in two months of the year 2006, friends were telling me i should be a photographer. one dear friend even ready to promote me (thank you). several friends were asking me to teach them the lessons of photography. the others asked me why wouldn't i and why shouldn't i become one?

why wouldn't i? why shouldn't i become a photographer?

*... hhhmmm... *

not answering any question, but my dream is to publish my blog.

we always question life. but, can life question us?

i love the rain for its sense of melancholy
there is poetry
in the dying of pouring water from the sky
and --
it's mystery.

it's been a long time since i won something from a doorprize.
but tonight
a round-trip ticket to singapore was nice surprise when the MC drew my business card out of the bowl.

not that i'm unhappy with what i won.

but, my highlight was having a long discussion with Hermawan Kertajaya in the parking area of the event tonight.

one day when i was reading a newspaper (which i prefer nobody disturbed me), my sister told her son to be with me because she wanted to cook something and didn't want to be bothered either. he asked me questions which i answered halfheartedly with my mind into the news i read.

"what is that? he started.
"it's a moon," i answered.
"why is the moon in the sky?" he continued.
"because it's a space object and lives in the sky," i said.
"what is space?" he asked.
"it's an area outside the earth. you live in the earth," i explained.
"i don't want to live in the earth. i want to go to the moon!" he stated.
"okay, maybe later yah," i replied.
"when?" he continued again.
"later," i said.
"later, bad people will steal the moon and i cannot live in the moon anymore!" he half shrieked.

???

"okay, let's go to the moon, but you cannot bring bingky and bongky, okay!" i said.
"because what? i want to bring mommy, daddy, oma, opa, ojichan, obachan, sota, siori, asih, (etc)," he continued.
"cannot" i said.
"because what?" he continued.

"do you want ice cream?"

i gave up.

bandung is next week.
another project in bali is waiting early march.
medan is a week after bali.
india sounds exciting. heard alot of bookstores there and books are cheap.
bhutan is still on my mind.
SQ is flying to moscow now. *hhhmmmm... ideas!*

i just wanted to be at home resting in my own room.
but, i have an active mind.

change career?
hhhmmm...

birthday is just another day for me. and, to be honest, i kinda disliked it when i have to sit or stand in front of a cake with lighting candles and people sang the Happy Birthday song for me. i don't do the limelights.

but, birthday is birthday. you can ignore it but you still have to face it.

two weeks ago, the morning started with a downpour. i told myself -- awwrighttt, downpour on your birthday means your year would be fortunate throughout.

arrived early at the office and got well wishes from co-workers. it was a chatty morning until a paspampres looking guy calling out my name and bringing in a box of cake. a birthday cake from a friend. opening the box, i loved the wordings on the icing so much! thank you. hopefully, we can meet up someday and thanks to the paspampres looking guy to deliver the cake.

a joyous morning indeed when a dear friend delivered me blueberry and strawberry cheesecake, homemade chocolate chip cookies and my ever favorite -- oatmeal raisins cookies. specially made for me, weren't they? :)

i got presents from my co-workers and a pair of baby turtles that my nephew named them -- bingky and bongky the turtles.

until one thing happened.

one of managers gave me his resignation letter with reasons that could not be accepted by the management and made my superiors got really mad. point blank-ly, i was instructed to fire him on that day.

on my birthday, i was instructed to fire one of my trusted managers.

i fought back and defended him trying to make them to change their minds.

i was wrong. the next day, he stabbed me from the back. accusing me with what i did and i didn't do according to what he believed i should do and i shouldn't do. not only me, he did so to any single person in the whole company. no one escaped from his wrath.

all along, i defended him, motivated him, worked with him, even subtituted him when he couldn't do his jobs. and, i told my superiors -- every single thing i did, every single penny i asked from the company, and every single signature i signed, i can back those up and be responsible with. the magazine can speak itself and be the proof of what we do.

i never got mad at him by stabbing my back. i still chatted with him and acted as if nothing happened. worked with him during his last days and i thanked him for helping me all along and for all of his contributions. deep down, i was sad that he was leaving in a bad term with the company. he should've done a smarter way.

one of my managers gave me a valuable birthday present someone ever gave.

birthday -- is time to reflect myself.

there was one day, i felt so lonely. so lonely it really hurted.

until i saw this image through my eyes. loved the composition and the lighting very much and took several shots of this bench, the bonsai and the japanese windows.

satisfied with what i took, i exhaled a deep breath then walked away visualizing i put my loneliness on that japanese bench.

loneliness -- it's just a mindset.

it was a clear evening when i saw this fisherman walking through the waves in the shallow water. i sat silence, motionless, and tried to figure out what he was doing.

in one movement, he flung open his net and threw it to the water in front of him. the waves caught it, the bubbles dispersed it. he, then, he pulled the string that attached to the net one by one hoping it to catch a fish or two.

nothing.

not catching anything in one area, he walked further and repeated what he did before.

half an hour later, i saw him walking empty handed. his head down, his feet wet by the crashing waves. i tried to say 'hi' to him and we talked.

he was friendly. telling me he was trying his luck to have something for his family.

people might say how lucky i am to have such a job that sent me in and out bali frequently. yet, despite all of the perks i received in a plush resorts, being with the locals in a wet market, talking to a fisherman and his sons, conversing to a cab driver are what i valued the most.

i love the island wholeheartedly.