i saw my friends get married for reasons of social acceptability or just because they thought it was a logical thing to do. then i watched as they became embittered and petty in their dealings with each other. i looked at my parents and saw at best, mutual toleration of each other. they seemed really in love which somehow glow in each other's presence. how can they have survived so many years of sameness, so much irritation at the other's habit? the central secret seems to be in choosing well.

good people can create a bad relationship eventhough they both dearly want the relationship to succeed. the truly lucky people are the ones who manage to become long time friends before they realized they are attracted to each other. they got to know each others' laugh, passions, sadness and fears. they share time together before they get swept up into the entangling intimacy. this is the ideal, but not often possible.

laughter is one of the key compatibilities. laughter tells you how much you will enjoy each other's company over the long term. if your laughter together is good and healthy, then you have a healthy relationship to the world.

then, look at the way he or she cares of others and deals with the daily affairs of love. if that makes you love him or her more, your love will grow. if it does not, be careful. if you do not respect the way you each deal with the world around you, eventually the two of you will not respect each other.

if you have sufficient faith that you can resist the endless attraction of the road not taken and the partner not chosen, then you may be ready to seek the miracle that marriage offers. if not then wait. the grace of relationship well prepared is worth your patience.

when time comes, a thousand flowers will bloom.