over the weekend i was sick. a throbbing headache pounded my head like never before. so heavy i couldn't even got up from the bed. everytime i tried to, it was like the earth was spinning around me. and, i fell back to the mattras.

the doctor told me i have a mild vertigo.

"kamu kebanyakkan kerja ya? kamu butuh istirahat nih! pasti terlalu capek jadi tekanan darahnya naik drastis, makanya jadi vertigo gini," the doctor told me.

i don't feel like i work too hard like he said. there are so many things i want to accomplish and there are so many things i have not even yet accomplished. i told a friend, i wish one day equals 36 hours instead of 24.

i am so used to work hard.

but, that's not my concern. what concerns me the most is i think i am a changed person.

i used to be a very grey person. easily touched by my surroundings. sensitively affected by my emotions. but, in the past two years here in jakarta, i have turned to be a black and white person. it's like a 'yes - fine, no - i don't care' type of attitude.

a friend of mine told me that i am still a grey person reading my writings and seeing my pictures, but she said, "you changed because you were forced to change by what you are doing and the position you are taking now."

maybe.

whatever it is, i was moved by a saying that changed me a lot --

fortune favors the bold.